Turning the page.

Well, we successfully made it through (and witnessed) the first solar eclipse in our lifetime. There was a lot of talk about it affecting Donald Trump and how the shadow going over the moon was symbolic of the collective shadow passing over him? I don't know. One can only hope that he gets the picture ASAP. I do feel small shifts in myself, however. I feel less tied up in all the drama over the past couple months and more of a sense of calm, like everything is going to work out. I just have to remember to focus on the good, small things and take it one day at a time. As much as my "shoulds" invade my thoughts, I have to focus on my most important job and that is living this life and being a good mama, and leaving the rest up to my higher power.

I am thinking about saying no more often. I had an instance a couple of weeks ago where I "should" have said no and didn't. Setting the intention to say no more often!

I feel calm and okay today despite having much on my mind... bills, work, family, the state of the world, my relationship... I heard in my mind yesterday... let it be. I have been reconnecting with the bible and its teachings and am finding much peace from this. I am grateful that these pieces have been coming in. I hope to keep moving forward in a positive direction and to stop being so gosh darn hard on myself over every little thing, and just trying to enjoy life more. I am trying to incorporate and stick to good habits and move forward into a new season (bye Summer, you kicked my bum). I feel some of the pressure lifting along with the oppressive heat that we have been baring for about 4 months now.

I have a therapy appointment on Friday and am setting the intention (here and now) that it will be the closing of a chapter and the beginning of another. I hope and pray that Nick and I will find our love again. I know it hasn't left us, but I do feel that it is being tested. I will not give up my dream of marrying this man! =) I realize now that Nick and I have to come first and everyone else (family, kids, and friends) have to come second. This means making sacrifices every day and reconnecting to this centering belief, EVERY DAY! We are the heart of our home. And the home is where we flourish and connect, so it is best to have it in good flow. Which brings me back to the fact that sometimes, I am going to have to say no, not right now, not today.

And I surrender. At the edge of it all, I SURRENDER.