Stay.

I cannot seem to stop thinking about Anne. She is on my mind all day. I go through the motions of my day but I still see her face. I hear the words that were spoken about her at her celebration. I replay all of it over and over again. I believe it is all part of the grieving process. I am sure others are feeling the same way.

I think of all my friends at work and how much they have helped me in the past 6 months. I think of Ms. Sara, one of the SWEETEST ladies and her words at the celebration on Monday night. "Don't get stuck there, Sara".  I know where there is. I think of Gretchen's words... "Anne's courageous decision." Wow. What a way to look at this. I would have never thought of it like that. I am so glad that I attended the celebration and stood there with so many amazing people. I will never forget it. The amazing part was to know so many of them, now. It's so interesting the course my life has taken in Key West. When I graduated Key West High in 2004, never did I think Key West would turn into a place of such deep healing for me. Never did I think I would come to know the healers that I have come to know. It is so amazing.

Anyways, I miss you Anne. I will miss your face and maybe always secretly hope you will work through the door at Date and Thyme. I think of your words at your yoga studio during the few moments I shared with you and Beth... "I wish I could stay." Me too Anne. I wish you could stay too.

Peace, love, and light to all.

May the God of Love shine through all of our hearts each and every day.

seeing red.

There are so many good things happening in my life right now, after what has been a very difficult time. Just to recap... I had been talking here for a while about things between Nick and I, an invisible wall that I could not get through. Well, the wall crumbled on July 4th, 2018. He moved out. I saw it coming. It was the only thing left to do. It was the saddest, most difficult times I have been through, but I stayed positive and super grounded in faith and family. I leaned on others as the hurricane hit and passed us by. Today, we are back together, working as a team. We wake up early, William has now started kindergarten (he likes it!). I miss him terribly, but it all feels very natural and I am okay. I am so thankful for the time we had of nothing but each other. We still have that time and I hope to have more of it very soon.

It has been an adjustment period. A time of swallowing the lump in my throat over and over again. My brother and Alena moved to North Carolina. They are living in Graham and Amy's cabin. I worry about them, but I hope they will be okay. Like I said, it's a time of transitions.

On a super sad note, a lady that I know committed suicide yesterday. I knew her from Date and Thyme. It's so interesting how our lives unfold and you don't know in that moment how it is unfolding, or how a moment becomes a light in the dark one day. The ladies name was Anne. She was so beautiful! The first time I saw her, I was just in awe of her. She would come in during the week and I would say hello, and always feel in awe of her when I did. All those moments just feel like time passing by now, a memory but it was just yesterday.

Intuitively, I suppose I always knew she would be important in my life. The times I spent with her were always so memorable and precious. At this time, I am so thankful for all of my friends at Date and Thyme that have held my hand through all of what I have been going through. Especially when it felt so overwhelming and scary. They were like a soft blanket on my heart. =)

God is good. I know that he is right there on the other side. I have so many questions... why am I going through this? I know the answer is to grow, but why is the growth so important? To serve better? Life and death. It is the scariest thing. It is the hardest thing to cope with.

RIP Anne