First Family Trip to Boston!

Hello friends! 

Well, we had our first official family trip into the city! I love being able to say those words... the city =) It makes me feel so happy and alive! It was a great day and one for the memory books. We started with lunch in Chinatown at a quiet little restaurant, where we sipped on green tea and ate delicious food. William practiced using his chopsticks, which turned into one of my favorite photos ever. I feel so excited for him that he is getting to experience all of these new things! We stuffed ourselves on Chinese food, stuffed ourselves even more on pastries and then! my favorite part of all, headed to the New England Aquarium. It was the most amazing place. There were so many different types of animals, my favorite being the sweet, sweet seals that rubbed their back on the glass and whose little whiskers made them cute enough to kiss. The rest of the aquarium was like being in another world. It was dimly lit, except for the bright colors protruding from behind the glass tanks. Neon colors of blue, green, pink, purple, and yellow all drawing you in to stand and stare into the underwater world. It was magnificent. There were scuba divers swimming in the HUGE cylindrical tank that started on the first floor and went for FOUR floors, containing fish of all shapes and colors. My favorite fish was the queen angel. I saw her swim by once and I knew right away she was special, then Nick told me her name... the queen angel, of course she was. There were touch tanks for kids and the staff was AWESOME about introducing the wildlife to William. He was skeptical at first, but she allowed him to be gently guided into eventually (ok, almost) touching a sea snail. He did touch the water though! =) Which, he exclaimed was "cold!". He really liked that. My favorite moment had to be when I was walking out of the touch tanks to find Nick and William, perched in front of the giant cylinder tank. William was perfectly silhouetted against the blues and greens of the tank. I literally gasped in excitement at this perfect moment and snapped a picture, which is below. It has to be one of my favorite photos of him. I will love and cherish this day forever. I hope Nick knew how special it was to me that he took us there (I must have thanked him 20 times!). Well, couldn't wait to share. And can't wait to tell you about my adventure into Providence, Rhode Island (where my mom is from!). It's a very special place. Good night all. 

not so sure about that turtle! but look at that face, getting to be such a big boy!

healing

hello friends.

I have some extra time before going to bed, so I figured I would write a bit to clear my head. We have been in Boston for almost a month now. We are getting along fine and having success with many things, such as staying warm, toasty, happy and healthy! We have had many firsts in our time here already. William saw his first snow fall, had his first haircut, visited his first children's museum and ate his first REAL snow cone. He is saying a lot of new words these days... snow, boots, Nina, Mimi and Freddie are some of his faves and he goes through the whole list every morning when waking up. He has quite an appetite and is eating A LOT. This little boy loves Italian food and is definitely in the right home for it. We eat quite well and are never short of delicious food and treats. Our main project has been to get us settled and well organized. I really appreciate Nick's mom's help with all of this because often times, this task seemed almost overwhelming after our big move and baby #2 on the way. It definitely helps to bring in fresh perspective and ideas. I feel like my mind is so scattered sometimes, so to have someone who has organization and quick decision making as their strength is really wonderful.

Speaking of a scattered mind, this makes me a little sad to admit about myself. I feel that I have SO much on my mind that it's difficult to sort through. I am still thinking a lot of my family and trying to understand it all. I am trying to filter through so many conversations and take with me what I need and be done with the rest. It is hard when you feel like you no longer trust someone who you once trusted to lead you and guide you in life. It's a lot to deal with. I wish that I could just let it go and start fresh here in this new place with my loving little family. But, sometimes I hear my dads voice, plain as day in my head. It's a voice that always seemed to steer me and guide me, and now, it makes me angry, confused, and sad.

It's especially difficult for me because I once had such a great relationship with my family. They are the foundation from which I was built upon and to question them makes me question myself. I really love who I am and I know that a great deal of that is thanks to my parents, my father and mother for making me feel so loved and cared for.

After writing this, I realize perhaps it is all just part the healing process. To even be able to get in touch with gratitude towards my father is a huge step for me. I was unable to see past my anger for a long time, years, even though I did try. I do feel that being here, in Boston, in the winter, with only little signs of life here and there, is healing me somehow. Just like the little birds that come to visit our windowsill,  these little sparks of life are visiting me. And just like the bright. red cardinal sits, watches and waits patiently, so is the fire inside of me, waiting to ignite again. Good night friends.

Williams first haircut @ 20 months 

Boston, you're my home.

Hello banpan.

Would you believe me if I told you I was now living in Boston with Nick? So long ago, when Nick and I first got together, we planned on moving to Boston and starting our lives and family here. It was a dream that was so close to my heart because it was our first plan together. We wanted to be together and have babies together. Then, one thing after another and we ended up in Key West. But it always felt a bit sad, like our innocent, little dream had died. Until about a month ago when one thing after another went wrong with our move, with Nick's job, and ultimately, and sadly, my family. So we decided it was time to get out of Key West and come back to where it all began. And I must say, it gives me back something that I thought that I had lost. Being back in Boston gives me back a love for Nick that was so quickly taken away from me. I couldn't see him anymore. Our relationship was becoming full of negativity and while we will always stick together, we were losing what we had together. Both of us, going down with the ship. These words are hard to write. 

However, I am slowly but surely getting my life back. Days at a time, I find myself laughing and just enjoying our son and really paying attention to him and not being a million miles away, not dwelling on my family issues. I am feeling lighter and more inlove with Nick. I feel because I have more time to focus on myself I can really work on and change some of the things that I want to change about myself through practicing meditation, yoga, mindfulness, writing on my blog, and cultivating gratitude. I finally have the time to focus on me instead of others. I can be the best mom I can be and take care of my family. I have the energy to give to them instead of my parents and brother and all of their issues. I can only hope to create more space from them and continue to grow as an individual. 

I know this is the first time I am really talking about my family on here, but it helps to get it all out and to use this space to do so. I plan on starting my gratitude practice on here, starting today. One thing every day for 30 days. One moment of every day which is pure magic. Today's was one of the happiest moments of my life. 

I have been trying really hard to get William into a routine. Awake at a certain time, breakfast, lunch, nap, dinner, bath, bed. I want to create a really wholesome environment for him, full of warmth and comfort in our new home and new environment.  Tonight, Mary made a BEAUTIFUL dinner. She came out with it on a lovely serving dish, roast chicken, potatoes, rice, and asparagus. The steam was coming off of it. I was seated next to William, who was in his high chair and his face, when she brought out the food just lit up, and he said "wooooow!". He was so amazed at this plate of warmth and goodness in his Mimi's hands that she was bringing out just for him. And he held out his little arms to receive the whole thing. It was the sweetest, most genuine thing I have ever seen and I will never forget it. I am so grateful for that moment today and that steaming, warm plate of food for our dinner together.