I wanna see you be brave!

Would you believe me if I told you I was cutting sugar out of my diet? Well, I am. I am on day two and my body is reacting in strange ways. I have been getting headaches and feeling nauseous and weak. It's crazy. I have read how addicting sugar can be, but didn't think that just by cutting out a few cookies a day would change the way my body functions. Right now, I am really just trying to detox from the stuff after my glucose tests came back high from the doctor. Apparently, this is a normal thing (which happened to me in my first pregnancy, as well) but I do feel like I eat WAY too much sugar and need to cut back. I don't ever see myself being a health nut and cutting out sugar altogether, but maybe indulge on special occasions or when something homemade and delicious is around. It has me a bit freaked out how terrible I have been feeling from just not eating it for two days. At first, I was very upset about my glucose tolerance test coming back high, but cutting out refined sugar is something I have been wanting to do anyways, so I am trying to see it as a positive and a way to  become more aware of the food I am eating. I am curious to see once my body has detoxed if I will feel better and have more energy. If so, this is a win for me because with baby #2 on the way, I need all the energy I can get! I have been replacing my cravings with fruit and it seems to be working okay. We will see how it goes and I will certainly keep you posted.

Other than that, we are covered in snow with bad weather predicted for the weekend. Some days, I mind, other days, I don't. Some days, I imagine the sunshine and how it feels on my skin and think I would dance around in it if I could only feel it for a moment. Today, I imagined myself in Key West, eating a fish sandwich outside at BO's fish wagon with cool sunnies on. What a lovely dream it is. I haven't been having much of an appetite the last few days, but when I imagine a fish sandwich in the sun, well, I think I could eat three! 

Some days, I miss Key West so much and it is all I can think about. Being so far removed now, I am forgetting everything I didn't like and remembering the things I loved. Days that were pure perfection, fishing with Nick on a cloud-like ocean, going for walks, warm hugs from friends. Ugh, it makes me almost cry now. I miss some things so much. I don't know what the future holds, but a piece of my heart will always be in Key West and I will always be an island girl, and Nick and William, my island boys. 

I am looking forward to Spring and Summer here, in Boston. The arrival of baby Lucas will bring a whole new meaning to my life and I can't wait to see William as a big brother and witness Nick with his newborn son once again. Spring will bring new life all around us and I am excited to experience the New England summers that I have been hearing about since I was a little girl, Maine lobster, Martha's Vineyard, the Cape, all a part of me that has been hidden until now. I often feel that my grandparents, from their heavenly thrones, brought me here to better know who I am and where I come from. A treasure hunt, if you will. It is thoughts like this that motivate me to be brave and power through. 

Well, thats all for now. Thank you all for your kind words and positive reinforcements. I couldn't do it with out you!

(ps. can't forget to mention that William first said "I love you" on Valentine's Day 2015!)

box of love from mama

Ups and Downs

Soo, I just deactivated my Facebook for the twentieth time. I am in a sad mood tonight and felt like for now, perhaps it will be best. There are things going on back at home that are weighing heavy on my mind and on my heart. I feel that, for me, some space and time will be best to really just be with my feelings and start to heal some of the sadness that has been like a dark cloud overhead.

I recently had a friend commit suicide back home. It is such a tragedy. He had a wife and son. I have known him practically my whole life because he and my brother started playing t-ball together when we were young. I find myself with William, drifting off to think of Gus and why he did this, how he could leave his son behind, and a million other questions I will never have answers to. Another sadness has been a little boy in the hospital. He can't be much older than William and today, I saw pictures of his mama laying in bed beside him, her baby covered in tubes. On the one hand, it teaches me to appreciate every moment with my son and never take one for granted. On the other hand, I am so overcome with sadness for this poor woman and her baby. Again, I am filled with questions... why is this happening to these people? I will continue to pray for the families and their loved ones but know that is all I can do. I hope it helps.

The winter is quite a time for introspection and with all this going on, introspection is inevitable. I feel happy and excited for the new life that we will welcome in the Spring. Some days, I do miss home. I miss the sunshine so much that my skin aches for it. Some days, I miss the Key West lifestyle, the food, the ocean breeze. These are all the beautiful things of my home. I am glad that I can remember them. I am glad that I am able to reconnect to the beauty of Key West because while I was living there, I lost touch with it.

I do love Boston. I love feeling like Nick and I are, sometimes, the only people in the universe. There is so much love between us and William, I could not ask for more. The days spent with them are the happiest I have ever had. Nick and I were given an overnight stay in the city for Christmas which we recently used. It was originally going to be a romantic getaway, but we decided a family trip would be better at this time, so we all went!  It was a wonderful time. The city was covered in about four feet of snow from the weeks prior and one snow storm after another. It was quite beautiful from our hotel room window, overlooking Kenmore Square. The people walking around, the cars zooming by, the city alive as always! Nick got to take us to his favorite restaurant, which was a real treat, Island Creek Oyster Bar. It was beautiful and sparkling and playing my favorite band. It was one of those heaven on Earth moments. The food was phenomenal and I tried my first Maine lobster, which tasted like a mix of sweet, delicious shrimp and succulent, buttery stoned crab. It was divine. I had a mock tail to celebrate the evening, which was a blend of house-made pomegranate juice and lemon and a real thrill to my taste buds. I tried to sip it and enjoy. but easily could have downed the whole thing because of how yummy and refreshing it was! For dessert, we had chocolate panna cotta, to go =) William was such a champ during the whole evening and was really a pleasure to have a long. I think Nick and I both agree that while we do sometimes wish for a romantic evening for two, William always brings so much joy and love to the table. Quite literally. Good night all.

cheer me up chocolates

the little boy who always makes me smile

gazing out the window at Kenmore Square

self-portrait Queen B

one with my love 

chocolate panna cotta xxoo