banana pancakes: Ups and Downs

Soo, I just deactivated my Facebook for the twentieth time. I am in a sad mood tonight and felt like for now, perhaps it will be best. There are things going on back at home that are weighing heavy on my mind and on my heart. I feel that, for me, some space and time will be best to really just be with my feelings and start to heal some of the sadness that has been like a dark cloud overhead.

I recently had a friend commit suicide back home. It is such a tragedy. He had a wife and son. I have known him practically my whole life because he and my brother started playing t-ball together when we were young. I find myself with William, drifting off to think of Gus and why he did this, how he could leave his son behind, and a million other questions I will never have answers to. Another sadness has been a little boy in the hospital. He can't be much older than William and today, I saw pictures of his mama laying in bed beside him, her baby covered in tubes. On the one hand, it teaches me to appreciate every moment with my son and never take one for granted. On the other hand, I am so overcome with sadness for this poor woman and her baby. Again, I am filled with questions... why is this happening to these people? I will continue to pray for the families and their loved ones but know that is all I can do. I hope it helps.

The winter is quite a time for introspection and with all this going on, introspection is inevitable. I feel happy and excited for the new life that we will welcome in the Spring. Some days, I do miss home. I miss the sunshine so much that my skin aches for it. Some days, I miss the Key West lifestyle, the food, the ocean breeze. These are all the beautiful things of my home. I am glad that I can remember them. I am glad that I am able to reconnect to the beauty of Key West because while I was living there, I lost touch with it.

I do love Boston. I love feeling like Nick and I are, sometimes, the only people in the universe. There is so much love between us and William, I could not ask for more. The days spent with them are the happiest I have ever had. Nick and I were given an overnight stay in the city for Christmas which we recently used. It was originally going to be a romantic getaway, but we decided a family trip would be better at this time, so we all went! It was a wonderful time. The city was covered in about four feet of snow from the weeks prior and one snow storm after another. It was quite beautiful from our hotel room window, overlooking Kenmore Square. The people walking around, the cars zooming by, the city alive as always! Nick got to take us to his favorite restaurant, which was a real treat, Island Creek Oyster Bar. It was beautiful and sparkling and playing my favorite band. It was one of those heaven on Earth moments. The food was phenomenal and I tried my first Maine lobster, which tasted like a mix of sweet, delicious shrimp and succulent, buttery stoned crab. It was divine. I had a mock tail to celebrate the evening, which was a blend of house-made pomegranate juice and lemon and a real thrill to my taste buds. I tried to sip it and enjoy. but easily could have downed the whole thing because of how yummy and refreshing it was! For dessert, we had chocolate panna cotta, to go =) William was such a champ during the whole evening and was really a pleasure to have a long. I think Nick and I both agree that while we do sometimes wish for a romantic evening for two, William always brings so much joy and love to the table. Quite literally. Good night all.