touch down.

I feel like I was lifted into the middle of a tornado, spun around and spit back out again. My body feels tired and weak. My mind is foggy and my eye lids are heavy. I feel confused and unable to think clearly. The last thing I wrote in my journal was that I was unavailable to have my stuff tossed on the ground and then boom. 💥 Tornado. Explosions. It has been about a year now that God decided to start rocking my boat.

I feel like I am in the life raft, alone and wondering if I will again find the solid ground beneath my feet. I am looking back on photos from the past few years, while I prepare something for my dad's retirement. The past five years has been really freakin hard. I am thankful to be alive and well, but I miss my family. I miss Nick. I miss happy times. I know that my family is here and I see them often, but I feel like I am always fighting a battle. With Nick, I bite my tongue so as not to say the wrong thing. I don't want to trigger a negative response.

I am exhausted. I don't know how to keep going.