Fall is here! There is a beautiful breeze outside and Halloween sightings around town. I could not be happier to welcome a new time of year.
With the new season upon us, I am sad to say that I am having trouble letting go of the last one. Much of the hurt that I have endured is still with me and I, often, wake up with a sad, confused heart. I don't know why these things have happened. I can only imagine that it is only to bring me closer to myself and I definitely see my strength rising to the surface. I know I am much more aware of myself and the boundaries I need to maintain to live an authentic life.
Date and Thyme has had a visitor over the past 3 weeks named Rebecca. She is from Australia and she is staying with Charlie while she heals from the ending of her marriage. She, like me, has two children, both boys. And she talks to me from the other side of where I am now. I wonder often "Is this how my life will end up?". Nick and I have been through a lot that has left my mind in a place of deep uncertainty about him and us. When I talk to Rebecca and I say things like "I just don't know." She responds with... "yes, you do."
I believe that I know that I love Nick very much. I believe in us and that we can endure the hardships of life and partnership. A part of me wants to run the other way from this and not risk it. Not risk what could be the other side of this... divorce, wasted time... but the other part says... "take the risk."
Fall. Surrender. Let go. Make space for the new.
Peace and love banpan.
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