The lull.

So, life has been so busy lately that I have barely had time to just write about recent happenings! I feel like I have mainly been pouring my somewhat, tattered soul out on here and it really is the BEST therapy. Writing really helps me connect with what is important, I have noticed. So, while I am thinking thoughts and wondering how to find greener pastures, life is just cruisin on by and while I am ALWAYS thinking (working with this through meditation!), I really try to soak up my every day life and its precious, little moments.

William and Lucas are doing great. They have their moments where they are not so nice to each other, but they are the best of friends and the way William speaks to Lucas sometimes (reminding me of myself!), makes me so happy. He will say things "like what are you trying to do?" or "what's wrong  Lucas?" in a soft, sweet, gentle tone. He is getting so big, but I still see my sweet baby in him. Four years has gone by in the blink of an eye. *sigh*. I worry that I don't enjoy it enough or am not present enough.

Lucas is my sweetest little boy. He says the funniest things. Like when he sees a picture of himself and says "my Lootas!". Or the other day when he got mad at William and said "William Joseph!". He likes to put on his super hero armor and say "I am lootas!". They are both so funny and creative and joyful. It is such a juggling act, and I try my best every day.

They love painting, watching their shows, the beach, eating snacks, superheroes, mommy and daddy. They both also love my parents and brother and their house out in Key Haven. My mom has a magical way of always making it feel... magical.

I am trying to be patient with all things left undone and some things, I want yesterday. Like Nick's business to be super successful and for me to find my flow at work. For Nick and I to have "our time" and just come together in a new way. But, I suppose these things take time. This is "the lull" as I like to call it. I don't know what lies ahead for Nick and I. I would love to see us just genuinely happy when the other walks through the door, enjoying each others time more instead of this really lost feeling right now. Like the things we used to talk about don't feel right anymore. I don't know. It's confusing, but I hope that we will get there. I suppose we will know where "there" is once we arrive =) And I can write yay! we made it! But for now, its peace, love and clean up duty.