Soul Goals.

Hello,

Happy New Year. Part of my resolutions this year has been to create a vision board for 2018. It is actually a feng shui vision board! So fancy. I created a WHOLE one yesterday and then ripped it all apart =(

The truth is... I don't know what to create in 2018. I can't put my finger on it. I know I said my word was HAPPY. I do want this. But as much as I want to keep it simple, I want to go BIG! Because, why not?

Then. I think about a photo I saw at work the other day. It was on a piece of card stock paper, an advertisement for a gallery showing. And it's a picture at Ft. Zak. The grape leaves create a kind of frame and I don't recall being able to see the water. It gets me thinkin. Maybe this is my goal for 2018. Maybe it's so super simple. Maybe, it's just to spend more time in my favorite place with my loves. Of course, I would love a Disney cruise. I would love a perfectly organized closet in my dream home. But, maybe for 2018 it's just sweet and simple.

So, today I will re-create my vision board and (hopefully), put it on the wall. Where it will see me through my 2018. And I sure hope it brings more joy and happiness then 2017. More grace. More peace. love. reassurance.

And maybe a wedding? oh yea. a wedding. 👑

Also. I don't want to keep missing everything. So, Soul Goal: to have weekends off. To be a big girl. To be apart of IT. My life. Our life. To be a family. To be a apart of the business. I want it so badly!
I get scared to ask for these things. Why? I don't know. I don't want to mess it up.

 I just want to be with Nick and the boys more. I feel like I am missing things. When I went to select these pictures, there's pictures of the boys at the boat races. I missed this day. I missed Easton's party. This just cannot be how it is! =(

I really tried to make the best of 2017. But, my soul was crying. I tried (and am) to be grateful for what I have been given. To go with the flow. Work. Laundry. Take pictures. But, the whole time my soul was silently weeping. I am scared for it to stop. Because, then what? I can't deal with more of the same. I can't fight any longer. I'm tired of fighting, of resisting.