wow. almost one full year has gone by since my last post. Tomorrow is Mother's Day 2020! We are under quarantine from a pandemic that came through a few months ago. It has been a very difficult time as our government has been under serious scrutiny for not handling things properly (what else is new?). Usually, I try not to dive too deep into politics, but it has been somewhat unavoidable this time around. My heart has been aching for what is going on in this country and my eyes have been opened to the way things are handled. I am very grateful to be who I am and where I am at this point in time. God has graced me in so many ways. I try to stay focused on this while I feel deeply what others may be going through and as a mother, it weighs heavy. I offer prayer and compassion for the people who were born under difficult circumstances.
Oh Mother's Day, yet another day we have invented that sometimes, makes me feel like bleh. While I will soak up the love I receive on this day and will try to (under quarantine conditions) show my own mother how much I love and appreciate her. I am pulled in many directions right now as the country tries to re-open with the threat of a virus lurking about. I have worked through these conditions at Date & Thyme and it definitely takes a toll on my own mental health. I am tired and worn down. We wear a mask all day at work and many offer their own opinions and thoughts on the matter to me. I try to stand the middle ground, but I, like a sponge, soak it all up. Over the past several weeks I have felt determined, empathy (as many lose their homes and jobs), tired, worried, scared, and confused all while trying to maintain a positive attitude with others and especially in my home and towards my children.
We had two quarantine birthdays! lol! April brought another trip around the sun to both my boys as they turned seven and five. William is finishing out 1st grade in virtual schooling and Lucas will start kindergarten in the Fall (real or virtual, I do not know?). There is talk of canceling Fantasy Fest this year as they predict that the virus may make a comeback in the cooler temperatures of the Fall.
And all the while, my mind races to keep up with what is and what will be. I see so many areas of my life changing. I find I am no longer willing to keep up with everyone else, but have to speak my own thoughts and feelings. I am somewhat unwilling to continue to go the speed that I was going before this all happened. I crave time at home and have been working hard with Nick to do things around the house. Our home is coming together and has an all around better feeling being here. There is still some big projects to do, like re-do the back deck, but we got a little pool for the boys back there which is transforming our backyard space and making it somewhere we actually want to be. The good, fun vibes were so needed after burying Jax back there last April =(
I know nothing else but to keep on going, even on days when I don't want to DO ANY OF IT ANYMORE. I often wonder, where is this all headed? Will Nick and I ever have the family business that we once dreamt of or is that too taking on a new form? Looking back, I can see why I needed to stay at Date & Thyme and receive the nourishment that it has to offer. It is a good outlet for me and I like to have money to show for it. I do not know where this will all lead as once upon a time, my goal was to just take the boys to Disney, Legoland, all the places! Will these places even re-open? What will I feel about going to a place that is a melting pot of people and ... germs. I do not know, but as for today, we are doing ok!
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