Fathers Day Reflections & Sweet Summertime

Hello!

I am trying to write this before the boys realize I am doing something that doesn't include them =) They do not like that! So, what have we been up to lately? A lot of fun actually! We had a day where we played in rain puddles which was super fun and Lukey's first time actually doing so! We went on a rainy day walk afterwards. We spent one rainy day (we have been having a rainy summer!) walking and picking flowers. We had a great day spent with mom, we went to breakfast together and went to the park. It was nice. We played for a while and even stuck it out through a misty rain shower. It was definitely nice to get out and just play for a while. We had a boat day with Dad. It was the most beautiful day at the Sandbar and getting to swim in the ocean = 👌 William went to the movies with my dad, to see Cars 3! That was fun for him! Also, I got stung by a jellyfish! =( Which, reminds me of summer in Cocoa Beach when I was young (where I am going in just a few short weeks! The ocean waves are calling my name).

We celebrated Fathers Day, it was fun, a little chaotic. We started the day with breakfast at a little cafe, which is super cute and we have enjoyed going there in the past. But, on this day it was crowded and stuffy and just did not feel like the most kid-friendly environment. It was a tad stressful.And then, Lucas fell down the stairs (about 4 of them). Thankfully, he was not hurt, just scared. But, I spent the whole day feeling like the worst mom ever. On the positive side, we ate yummy food and did fireworks! We went to mom and dad's for dinner and I gave my dad his Father's Day gift of macaroons! He loved them! I got Nick a Yeti cup in Seafoam green, but it didn't come until the next day! The boys had a great day LOL. I am starting to wonder if this is really the only part that matters? I am trying to figure out (at this stage of my life) how to help others be happy, as well as myself. And as a family, I believe we are trying to figure this out as well.

ps. was happy to find this post with a photo of William on Nicks first Fathers Day.

In the future, I would like Fathers Day to be more relaxing and fun for Nick. This year, I just did not feel the relaxation! I know it's not easy with two kiddos to get out and actually enjoy ourselves, but this year... I don't know it just didn't feel quite right. Anyways, it was good to be together. (Next year goals: breakfast and something with the ocean!) I hope the rough patch we have been having is behind us. It seems to be getting better. What else? Today is summer solstice. The day with the most amount of sunlight and full of energy!

Other than that, just trying to stay cool in the summer heat, eating popsicles, swimming, a little boating, and all that fun stuff that we love to do.

Days are defnitely warm with the occassional afternoon rainstorm (my favorite part of summer). Lately, we have really just been spending time indoors with the AC crankin' or at Nanny's where we have the pool, canal (for fish feeding), park and quick access to AC, cold juice and snacks! lol. Trying to keep us cool, calm and collected here.

When we are home, the boys play with toys and do pretty well (for about 5 minutes) playing together. Lucas' favorite game for the past few days has been having me read him every show title on Netflix while he says "nope" to each one. LOL. After a while, he finds what he is looking for and mommy gets a break =)

Nick's buisiness, Made By Soto is taking off! Each day seems to bring a new "first" and new projects. Nick is settling in nicely to his new, little workshop at Washed Up!

Me? I'm ok. I am trying to do my best (some days I know I can do better). A little uninspired lately, feeling a lack in some way. I don't quite know what it is, but according to my boss at work, Charlie, it's all normal for a 31 year old "woman" =). Just feeling like my best is not good enough! Feeling like my spirit wants to jump out of my body and do back flips or somethin'. I just have this feeling inside of me like... I want to be doing more, seeing more! Something different! I don't know. Sometimes, I feel like I will never be satisfied. I have this burning part of me for Boston some days. I still miss it. I loved being so independent there. But then, when I was there, I just wanted to be here! Here, I have the support of my family. Sometimes, I just feel so disconnected from Key West and the life before Boston. I feel like a different person now that is not fully able to BE! Like a tree, that has branches but keeps them wrapped around itself instead of fully growing and expanding and blossoming into the big, glorious, colorful, flowering tree that it is! Sorry for bitchin' because I have so much to be thankful for! I know and I am! Every day!

Starting an amazing program with my guru, Molly Hamill this week! So let's hope for lots of amazing transformation! Anyways, happy summer solstice. Peace, love and light!

The Ultimate and Immediate Why
By: Danielle Laporte

After a long night
I wake up
with infinity on my lips and I must tell you:
Everything turns out okay.
Put down your worries,
even though you must take up the cause.
On the Light crusade
we must remember
The Ultimate and Immediate Why:
Swallowing fresh water,
inhaling
clean air
through our mouths,
speaking
words of adoration,
and kissing.

“We are but visitors on this planet. We are here for ninty or one hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives. If you contibute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

Spring Sprang.

good morning. almost time for a new month AND a new season- summer! Spring time was fun. I am grateful that I got to spend the boys birthdays, Easter, Mother's Day, and my birthday with my family, here in Key West. And I can officially say, I am glad that it's over. It's all so much fun, but just a tad overwhelming. I am glad to ring in summer and lazzyyyyy days playing in the water and eating all the yummy summery foods like watermelon, ice cream and barebecue!

March, April and May were very challenging for me. It has been a particularly difficult year being back here with my family and just trying to get used to it again and the whole healing process... never easy. I can only hope we laid the groundwork for good times and traditions in the future. It has been a rocky road, but I am trying to stay "centered" and connected to the calm inside of me, even while the whole world sometimes feels to be falling apart around me.

Nick and I have had a difficult time lately. It's just been trying. I'm sure it's not easy to be here, always with my family, trying to start his own business and (sometimes) deal with a stressed out me. I am trying though! I am finding my footing more and looking inside for the answers, not so much outside as I have always done in the past, for approval, or whatever.

So, I am really excited for the summer here in Key West. And I can officially say so long to Spring. Thank you Springtime for your season of rebirth!

Onward, we go. ✌

It only gets more painful. But it’s good news.



I thought that the ability to feel more deeply would give me access to solace, that special area reserved for The Feelers.

But as it turns out, I just get more adept at crying and then carrying on.

Cry. Crusade. Repeat.

You know? I know you know. The Feelers. The Connecteds. They always know.

I opened my heart more to let you in, and then I noticed so many people in line behind you, wanting an embrace.
The more love that I brought down through my cells, the more lesions surfaced on my own skin.
The more light I transmitted, the more darkness I saw.

The more I connected, the lonelier I felt.
The more I gave, the more they tried to take.
The more faith I generated, the more I questioned: What the fuck is going on here?

Where I wept only for myself, now I weep for all of us and the Earth herself. Often.

And not everyone weeps. And this is part of the problem.

No weeping, no cleansing. No cleansing, no clarity. No clarity, no solutions. No solutions, no union. No union, no pleasure.


So I’m going to keep crying about the state of things.
Because that same pain is where I find the most power and inexplicable, unrelenting joy…
This is my love affair with the Light and the darkness that she contends with.
I am so in Love.
It makes me cry every kind of tear.

Author: Danielle LaPorte

She speaks right to my heart!

My 31st year.

Good morning from this 31 year old! Yesterday was my birthday. It was a great day, overall and I got to do all of my favorite things. I, also, love reflecting back on all my birthday memories. I have a lot of great memories from this day! It was mine and Nick's first kiss =) So, it is special in so many ways. I decided to pretend like I was opening a door with all magic inside for me! Like my own personal magic trunk and all these sparkly things came out in the form of moments. I am trying to tune more into these moments, which are really there every day. I suppose that is my goal of the year, tune into the moment more and my mind less. GOAL. It has been a goal for some time, but it takes a lot of practice. It has been about ten years that I have been studying how to do this. Who knew it was so hard? Maybe, its just me. Either way, goals are good and this is mine. I suppose this voice in my mind is what they call, "the ego." I wish that something that is inside of me was on my side and not always against me. Why can't we be friends? (cue the song). =)

Anyways, my birthday was spent with my family who showered me with love for two whole days. It was so sweet and I loved being with them. Getting to sit and chat with my mom, spending time at the pool with dad and trying to heal our relationship. One day at a time. I think we are making progress. It takes time. I only want my dad to be proud of me. I know that he is. It is more me accepting and loving myself and then the world around me will accept and love me to. It all starts with self love.

I really found this birthday to be very anxiety provoking for me. I could feel a lot of bad memories coming up and my desire to not repeat the same mistakes in my new year. I felt nervous that I will not learn from my mistakes and sometimes, I do worry about my mental state =/ It will all be okay. It will be a year full of learning and hopefully, a little more grace through this process. I want to be the best I can be for my children. I dedicate my life to this! They love and care for me so much. It is the best feeling in the world and I only want to be deserved of that love and give to them as much as they give to me. So, balance would be nice to. A balance of giving and receiving, between me and the boys, and also, me and Nick. It will be nice to feel balance.

So, I hope this year to aid me into "womanhood", where what is expected of me is be accomplished by me. I live for my family, and wish more then anything to bring them nothing but joy! Well, thanks for listening and here's to a new year! 🙏

Will post pics later! Gotta get ready for a massage =)

Devotion to Truth seeking goes something like this:

You’re going to risk being disliked (actually, it’s not a risk, it’s inevitable). At some point you will be very misunderstood—and you won’t know how much that stings until it happens.

You’re going to take a hit for the team. Because you’re not learning lessons just for your own good. Healing for one is healing for many.

You will burn the plans that you thought were the answer to your pro-found longing. You will pray, on your knees, with the flavour of begging in your throat. You will have to ask for help—the vulnerable kind of asking when you’re terrified that the answer could be No.

You will humbly make amends. You will let people go. You will build walls (because every kingdom has walls). There’s a good chance that you’ll be profoundly lonely. By necessity, you will become your own Lover. You will feel it all—all in one day.

You’ll have to get up really early after staying up way too late. You’ll learn to bend time, and subsist on your own confidence. You’ll put in your own money. You’re going to do the hard work that integrity calls for, like a grown-up.

You will pass through the eye of a needle, stripped, shed, pared down to the pure pith of your power. The few people who have seen you so naked will never speak of that beauty to anyone else.

You will transmute heart-ripping pain into evolutionary leaps. You will find comfort in the rhythm created by commitment, and you will come to adore the discipline of freely giving and receiving. You will become a testament to the force of tenderness.

You will say Thank You—for all of it.

And then you and that devotion of yours will keep on going.

"Maybe it's time for the fighter to be fought for for the holder to be held and for the lover to be loved."

"This birthday trip has definitely been a more reflective and relaxing one than most. After 28 years on this planet, I still don't understand some of the crazy things that happen, but I truly hope they're ultimately for the greater good. My life has by no means been perfect, but I know it's the one I was meant to live. I can only hope I leave our planet better than I found it — other lives, the environment, all of it — and I promise I'm going to live this next year of life to the absolute fullest. Even if that means being a little less selfish, but never less sassy." 

A cute post from my friend about her birthday this year! Pretty much sums it up. =)

31st year = Self Love

Today is 4 days until my 31st Birthday. I decided to share this photo collage of my favorite place on Earth, can't tell you exactly where because it's a secret!! =) It's a place that belongs to only us. I love it so much.

I have so many mixed feelings about my birthday this year, while I am excited (as always) for a birthday, I have also had feelings of just not wanting to celebrate. I have had a particularly trying year where I have really had to face myself and not only accept myself (and all of my flaws), but also love myself through all of it. It is SO DIFFICULT! I have many feelings towards getting older (like, I don't want to!!), but also, I still feel young enough to be excited to grow.

Each passing day brings new and exciting things for us and while some days I question everything... like what am I doing? What am I supposed to be doing?, I can feel myself paying more attention to the every day things and really just trying to enjoy myself and focus more on who I am and less on who I should be. I know this change is happening in my life and I truly hope for my 31st year that I can just really be myself, honor myself and offer myself lots and lots of love for the amazing person that I am.

Talk soon. <3

Thanks be to God.

Whew! Well, I feel like I am through a rather long and drawn out funk that I was in, which lasted pretty much the whole month of April =( why? I don't know. I feel like I was really disconnected from myself and just really searching and searching for something that was not there and I got away from the true joy that is just every day life. I got to spend the day on the boat for Mother's Day and it was so helpful to just clear my head and just enjoy myself, effortlessly. I think that the ocean is my true peace on Earth. It makes me feel better every time. I don't know what it is because I have seen it all my life, but still.. the smell, the feeling of salt on my skin, the deep blue and the movement of the water. the way the light reflects... it will bring me out of my deepest funk. Nick said yesterday, "I think I could spend the rest of my life here." I really do agree. (can we do that? just pitch a tent and build a fire, swim in the sea and catch fish all day long?).

I love my children and my partner, so much. I give thanks every day and really and truly feel that gratitude, but every day routines seem to really get me down! Work, home, dinner... I hate to say it, but I just can't! I need some adventure sprinkled in there. Anyways, maybe I could if I got to go boating every weekend? =) Boating and traveling, my two faves. I am so thankful they have gotten to be a part of my life.

And, today is Monday so it will be a week full of routines, but the good/great news is that next Monday is my birthday and I hope for it to be a time of sweetness simplicities. This is the intention that I set for my 31st year, appreciate the sweet, simple things TO THE FULLEST! And connect more with Mother Ocean.

Well, here are a few pics of the sweet things around here!

going to upgrade the swimming pool this summer =)

imagination

Mothers Day flowers from Mimi

cat boy. 

MOTHERS DAY BOAT DAY

thankful for a great day with my mama

and my man

and these sweet babies.

us.

with my mama on mothers day 2017. thank the Lord.

dad too =) and bo.

dinner time

sun setting