Moving on.

 Good Morning. 

It's a windy March morning here in Key West. Nick has had markets all weekend, which currently, leaves us stuck at home with no transportation. Deep breaths. Patience. Ugh. This too shall pass. 

Well, I am five months pregnant with our third son. I would like to name him Wesley. It has been a whirlwind. I am grateful and excited to meet him. At the same time, nervous for the future. I will stop working and primarily be working from home here and there. My plan is to start a bookkeeping business, which will allow me to work from home to be with the new babe. A new adventure is upon us. Wish me luck and good fortune. I will definitely have to find things to do, but with the state of the world and the changes that have occurred during this time, it will be unlike my other experiences with the babes. I would love to think of joining a play group, but the Corona virus is still a part of our reality and it doesn't feel safe to bring a baby out into the world at this time. One day at at time. 

The next thing to get through is labor. Something I dread every morning upon waking up. Like my friend Beth said, however "it is what you make of it." So, I will try to shift my perspective to be an experience that will bring me to my baby. A light portal that Nick and I will walk through. It really brings up so many things for me. It's a question of faith and guidance and support. Who will walk me through? It is a voyage of the mind, body, and soul. To be in such extreme pain, I have to fix my mind on a single point. The mind has to stay focused or the waves become more powerful then you. I think it will be important this time around. 

During my last labor, my mind was all over the place. On the nurse, on the experiences I had gone through that previous Winter. So much pain with Nick. Doubt and fear. I want this time to be different. I have heard one woman describe her labor as surfing waves with Jesus. This sounds incredible. And fun =)

What else? Well, my parents sold their house and are in the process of moving. No more childhood home. It is tough to put this experience into words. It is the closing of a chapter. Maybe the closing of an entire book and the start of a new one. This home was so tied into my identity. Key Haven and our beautiful home. My story. How far my family had come. How we persevered. How we built it. It is my entire past. My entire history. And now, the book has closed. I am sort of left here, holding the book and looking around at what is actually in front of me. A little lost because "which direction do I go?" a little excited because... I get to choose. And peaceful because... hey, I know this place. And curious, which way feels best? Something new is up ahead. The soul is sturdy and has been built. Now, it gets to truly experience itself and the beauty that has been created. 

So... onward with peace in my heart. Gratitude at the core of everything, always. Life's lessons as building blocks and learning experiences to draw upon. I will keep you posted! Love always. 

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

1 year later (in quarantine).

Hello =)

wow. almost one full year has gone by since my last post. Tomorrow is Mother's Day 2020! We are under quarantine from a pandemic that came through a few months ago. It has been a very difficult time as our government has been under serious scrutiny for not handling things properly (what else is new?). Usually, I try not to dive too deep into politics, but it has been somewhat unavoidable this time around. My heart has been aching for what is going on in this country and my eyes have been opened to the way things are handled. I am very grateful to be who I am and where I am at this point in time. God has graced me in so many ways. I try to stay focused on this while I feel deeply what others may be going through and as a mother, it weighs heavy. I offer prayer and compassion for the people who were born under difficult circumstances.

Oh Mother's Day, yet another day we have invented that sometimes, makes me feel like bleh. While I will soak up the love I receive on this day and will try to (under quarantine conditions) show my own mother how much I love and appreciate her. I am pulled in many directions right now as the country tries to re-open with the threat of a virus lurking about. I have worked through these conditions at Date & Thyme and it definitely takes a toll on my own mental health. I am tired and worn down. We wear a mask all day at work and many offer their own opinions and thoughts on the matter to me. I try to stand the middle ground, but I, like a sponge, soak it all up. Over the past several weeks I have felt determined, empathy (as many lose their homes and jobs), tired, worried, scared, and confused all while trying to maintain a positive attitude with others and especially in my home and towards my children.

We had two quarantine birthdays! lol! April brought another trip around the sun to both my boys as they turned seven and five. William is finishing out 1st grade in virtual schooling and Lucas will start kindergarten in the Fall (real or virtual, I do not know?). There is talk of canceling Fantasy Fest this year as they predict that the virus may make a comeback in the cooler temperatures of the Fall.

And all the while, my mind races to keep up with what is and what will be. I see so many areas of my life changing. I find I am no longer willing to keep up with everyone else, but have to speak my own thoughts and feelings. I am somewhat unwilling to continue to go the speed that I was going before this all happened. I crave time at home and have been working hard with Nick to do things around the house. Our home is coming together and has an all around better feeling being here. There is still some big projects to do, like re-do the back deck, but we got a little pool for the boys back there which is transforming our backyard space and making it somewhere we actually want to be. The good, fun vibes were so needed after burying Jax back there last April =(

I know nothing else but to keep on going, even on days when I don't want to DO ANY OF IT ANYMORE. I often wonder, where is this all headed? Will Nick and I ever have the family business that we once dreamt of or is that too taking on a new form? Looking back, I can see why I needed to stay at Date & Thyme and receive the nourishment that it has to offer. It is a good outlet for me and I like to have money to show for it. I do not know where this will all lead as once upon a time, my goal was to just take the boys to Disney, Legoland, all the places! Will these places even re-open? What will I feel about going to a place that is a melting pot of people and ... germs. I do not know, but as for today, we are doing ok!

How I spent my Summer (part 2).

Hello beauty!

How I spent my summer... part 2. This was a good summer, full of the sweetness that only summer time can hold. We boated with friends, spent time with puppy, went to the movies, slipped and slided, and pool hopped! I can't believe it's over, like where did the time even go? I have lots of great pics to share!

This summer was a sort of passing through for me after last summer. I knew I was going to have those triggering moments of when things got difficult last year, and I did. But, I kept pushing through to the other side and kept trying to return to love. It has been an especially difficult few months after losing Jax.

But, I think we are on the upward and that everything is going to be ok. William is now in first grade and he is doing fine. It is taking some getting used to, but we made a new friend in his class, Noah. I adore his family and look forward to more time together.

So, June brought the concert and the major heat! July brought a visit from Brendan, fireworks, movies, and boating. August, a boat day with the Robinson's (getting knocked out with the flu), and back to school.

The boys are getting a long well. William's new teacher is very nice and he is a sweet little boy, who everyone seems to adore. Both boys are loving their puppy, Ollie. They are very sweet with him and snuggle him every chance they get. Lu is so adorable and just my little sweet pea right now. He is my little sidekick and has all the kisses for mommy.

And it's all just flying right on by! Next will be Halloween and the Fantasy Fest activities! I will update with all my favorite summertime photos ASAP!

sprouted a lychee tree this season! 

swimming at the community pool! william took a swim test (and passed)!

how i spent my summer... (part 1)

hello hello!

Friday marks the first official day of summer and boy have we been feeling the shift. The boys have both come down with some sort of cough and I have just been sooo sleepy. In all fairness, we have had a lot going on lately with the new puppy and just major things happening. Nick and I just attended a concert together at the Truman Waterfront and it was a nice evening with our friends. We danced and listened to the groovy sounds of Slightly Stoopid, a band that we started listening to a while ago on the ocean. It was so nice to get out and dance and just be in the moment. Not too much thinking, just moving our bodies and celebrating summer time!

We are currently reading two new books, and so far, we are really enjoying them. I am reading Where the Crawdads Sing and William is reading (I am reading to him), Pippi Longstocking. I love how they both focus on  the free spirit of girl. I love Crawdads because it's about a town much like my own. It helps me see Key West (and myself), in a totally different light.

Nick is officially moved into his new shop and settling in this week. The new AND improved location of Made by Soto. It looks awesome and I love it so much. I will update with pics soon, but for now puppy needs a walk! xoxox

moving up ceremony

Yesterday was Williams last day of kindergarten and it brought so many emotions! The morning was a whirlwind of baths and ironing clothes, and then at 10 am, we made our way over to City Hall to watch his graduation ceremony. They acknowledged the kindergarteners moving up to first grade, as a sort of induction into the school. I was happy, sad, and grateful. His teacher has been so amazing and sweet to him and this time has been so wonderful because of her. She has really acknowledged William for the little soul that he is, and I will miss her so much. I know William will too.

It's weird to think that he will no longer be the little guy on campus, but now will be somewhere in the middle. Kindergarten has had such a sweet, sensitive nature to it and now, that time has passed. It feels like now, we start growing up. You can imagine that this has affected me on so many different levels. I am joyful for the little person he is becoming, so grateful for the people helping us to shape his life, and sad that time is passing and my little boy will one day not be my little boy anymore. The greatest times in my life have been spent making forts with him, playing in the pool and hearing him call out for "mommy."

He has made really nice friends and done really well in his schooling. I am very fond of the way that they teach him at Montessori and it seems he has a knack for things like architecture and math. He is so smart. I love him so much. 

So best of luck to you, my William boy. We love you so much. 

almost summer

We are about to wrap up William's first year of school. I like this feeling, a feeling of completion and accomplishment. Some days were not easy. But, we learned and grew and made it to the end with a smile. Montessori is slowly becoming part of our family. We are becoming a part of the school more and more every day and I am excited for the opportunity to get Lucas accustomed to the school that he will attend in a little over a year. This year has brought us together in a lot of ways, even when I thought it would tear us apart. Nick and I are on stable ground and I am finding my way back into his arms.

I don't know what this summer will hold. I feel that change is on the horizon, in some way or another. I hope the warm coming months will bring us closer together as a family. I hope the storm is behind us. I hope our future is prosperous. I hope we enjoy our lives together as they come together more and more every day.

So, here's to the (almost) completion of kindergarten. Here's to sleeping in. To salty days and relaxing nights. Here's to peace. Here's to love and to the next chapter of our lives.

Our journey is just beginning.

mothers day and puppy time.

Hello hello!

Greetings 8 days out from 33! I am excited for my birthday this year and actually, feel like it's going to be a great year for us. My goals are to focus on my family and continue to learn and grow, and to know and love myself more. I realize that until this time, I have played it small, and not trusted myself. I have trusted outside voices more then my own and really worried so much about people's opinions of me. I am realizing more and more that I am in charge of my own life and that the opinions of others do not have to play such a large role in my life.

I want to learn to trust my own inner voice more. To trust love and Nick. To deepen my faith in God and to find a resting place in the unconditional love of God. It sounds deep, but I think it is perfectly simple. Rest.

Here are some pictures of Olley's first day with us.