greetings!

greetings from the other side of 4. Our baby is four years old. Four. I mean, where does the time even go? Hopefully up to a perfect memory cloud that just stays perfect forever. It was a fun filled day, complete with balloons and our first Happy Birthday song with just the four of us present.

Normally, Lucas covers his ears when everyone sings to him because he says it is "too loud", but when it was just the four of us, he was so happy and into it. He blew out his candles and gave Nick a high five. It was so sweet. He asked all day when he would get to go to his party, which would be held the day after his birthday. It was a great day, which ended with tears when his "lego balloon" flew away into the night sky. =( So sad. My heart just broke for him. What a bittersweet moment that is.

The party was the next day which was busy, busy, busy. I made all the food throughout the day, which was really good for so as not to get too anxious about the actual party. I found some cute ideas on Pinterest and did a really good job, I thought =) The party was a dinosaur theme, complete with a dino egg hunt, and a piñata. The whole party came out really good and the kids all seemed to have a nice time. We ended the evening watching the sunset, then packing up the truck to head home. It was a smashing success, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't at all anxious about it! I always get a little nervous with social gatherings and especially, hosting them! I think I pulled it off, cool, calm, and collected, however.


So, how do I feel about the boys turning a year older? It is always a lot of emotions! Happy, sad, stressful, reflective, proud... But, we are truly doing a good job of taking care of each other and I am always grateful for that! Thanks and talk soon!

good morning.

Hello lovies,

I just wanted to update you on some things that happened since I last wrote. Yesterday was Williams first family day at school, where the parents were invited to come and view their childs work over the last few months. William was excited to show us many things and Lucas was super sweet, as he tried to participate, as well. William's best friend, Jayden, is also so adorable and sweet and I hope they are friends forever. He even looks like William! 

I am trying to take things slower and enjoy my two sweet babies to the absolute fullest. Times can be so trying, though and I often, get tired and cranky. It is my prayer to God that he helps me to always honor my energy and not take on too much, to always do what is best for myself so that I may give whole heartedly to my family. If I take on too much I get a headache and don't feel well, so I am really trying to be healthy and happy. 

We finished yesterday off with a trip to the Waterfront Park, which may be my favorite place in all the world. The temperature here is just perfect with nice, cool, grass, shade, and a glorious fountain splash pad to play in. William has had an ear infection for about 3 weeks and has had to stay out of the water, but I did let him indulge a little yesterday and he couldn't have been happier to be reunited with his favorite play thing, water =). I felt my own mind lighten up from the fun we were having and the heaviness that I was experiencing started to lift. It was a very nice afternoon, indeed and I plan to spend more evenings like this. 

I have received a true blessing, which I won't talk about too much on here. But, I simply want to take a moment to ask God to guide my ways with this blessing. That is all. Thank you. 

Amen! Love ya. 

hello sweeties

happy belated Valentines Day!

I had the absolute best one yet. I got the boys (Nick, William, and Lucas) seed cards from work where you can plant the whole card and its supposed to turn into wildflowers. It was a really nice day. Nick got me roses and I wore red lipstick out to dinner at Viv (our new favorite spot!). The owners are Julie and Laurent and they are wonderful, French people. I fell in love with them at first sight.

We spent last weekend hammocking in one of the most beautiful places in the whole world. A little tree on a secret beach. Just the four of us. It was so beautiful. William has had an ear infection for the past two weeks (eek!) where we have been having to take it kind of easy with what we do, but this day was much needed so we went for it.

Life is moving right along and Nick is finishing up a painting project this week at Viv! It will be nice to see the finished project. I have discovered a show, which I truly love. Anne, with an E. It is so good and just a reminder of many things. It is a reminder of the struggles that people faced when this country was first being settled and so it is very humbling in that way. It is a reminder of being a young woman and having so much to say, yet sometimes, being asked not to say it. It is a reminder of imagination, friendship, and growth. So, I am happy now and things are moving right along.

Things aren't quite "perfect" yet, where it's back to "normal" with my family and Nick, where my brother and Alena are settled in the way that we wish that they could be or the past is smoothed over, but we are heading in that direction at a steady pace and I do truly believe that peaceful, wonderful times are ahead. I love you banpan. Thanks for being here.

Fare thee well.

Key West has suffered another loss. Mine and my brother's friend, Eddie Gates has passed away from an overdose. I feel bad for my brother because he was good friends with Eddie. I feel so bad. My heart longs to hug Michael and be with him right now, but I can't because he is too far away. I know he has dealt with so much the last six months and I cannot really begin to understand what is next.

Eddie got my brother and Alena together. He answered my prayers. I have memories of him throughout my crazy college years, all of us hanging out together. He was always super kind to me. He had a great voice. He liked my friend Rachael, and so it was in that way that I got to hang out with him where he would pay for everything and take us out on the boat. He was very caring. He was a good friend to my brother and for this, I will always be grateful.

This has been a heavy week. We started it out with a "william field trip", where he took me to a pile of rocks that have been laid in a circle right off of the shore of Higgs Beach. We sat there for a long time and the rocks became a force field around us. Next, we went to the Martello Towers and walked through the garden. It has changed since the hurricane, but is still very beautiful! I walked William through there when he was just a baby and took his picture in front of the giant tree that is no longer there. I thought at that time... "maybe I will get married here, in this beautiful garden." So much has happened since then. I felt bigger walking through there this time.

Here are some pics.

RIP Eddie Gates. Gone, but not forgotten. Dance with the angels.

Mom life.

Hello hello,

something kind of exciting happened yesterday! We were invited to our first school friend birthday party. Little Julius turned 6 and had a birthday party in his sweet, little home. It was so nice and full of so many friends that I have made in the past few years at Date and Thyme. I have met some really wonderful people who I feel like maybe we will be life long friends. They are a group of nice people and it just makes me feel genuinely happy. The party was so sweet in his home. I love seeing other people's homes and how they use their creativity to create a beautiful space. It makes me feel nice to see other people like ourselves, young parents who have what they have. Sometimes, I feel like I should be further along then I am, financially, but then I see sweet little spaces, like my own and it just helps me feel grateful and happy. I think our own home is coming along nicely and will continue to get better.

Speaking of, I recently watched a show on Netflix about tidying up, by the woman who wrote the book. Have you seen it? I love it! It is so perfect for folding laundry and getting inspired! I am going to get a big box from work this week and clean out my clothes first! Major organization on the list for this year! I, also, created my vision board for the year. God knows my vision board saw me through it all last year. This year, my chosen phrase was "namo Kali". I don't know the exact translation, but for me, it means a clearing away of what no longer serves me. My board feels very rooted in my essence.  It is full of adventure, travel, thinking, fashion and service. My center point is a woman surfacing in the ocean. It represents tranquility and pleasure.

So, on to a New Year and new possibilities. Here are some pics I want to show you!

And a Happy New Year.

Hello,

how are you? thanks for being here for me through a very difficult year. 2018 presented me with WORK! Work to release, work to surrender, work to trust and work to have faith. And while I knew that things would all end up okay, it was painful going through it and it's often, been painful to move forward. When I say pain, I mean literal heart wrenching moments that made me want keel over. And sometimes, I did. It was rough. But, I was tough. Magical moments came from the trying ones. I strengthened my bond with my brother and shared some heart to heart moments that will forever live in my heart. They have now moved to North Carolina and I miss him so much. We are hoping to visit in the Spring and I can't wait.

And through it all, life happens. Halloween, Williams first "Historical Halloween" with his school, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. It was different this year because I didn't spend one holiday with my mom and dad. They have retired, things are still working themselves out, and Nick and I did it on our own this year. It was good. Not the same, but good. Thanksgiving will never be truly Thanksgiving without all the fixings that I have known throughout my life. Mashed potatoes with rutabaga, creamed onions and my mom's gravy. It is the true staples of Thanksgiving. Nick and I did truly have a wonderful day/evening together and I am grateful for it. It was so nice riding down the Keys at night, babies asleep and full in the back and holding hands, just the two of us. Magic.

Halloween and Historical Halloween were sweet and joyful. William was Ringo Starr for his first ever Historical Halloween. Many more of these to come! I will always keep you updated, promise! He was so cute. Like, the cutest. I love him so much. He is my little five year old boy, full of weirdness and love. And Lucas is sweet and lovable and enchanting. I love them both so much and I LOVE LOVE LOVE being their mom. The day to day is sometimes... tiring, but all in all, I love it more then anything. Life really is a gift, even the difficult times.

Christmas was nice. It was a whirlwind and started to feel like a roller coaster ride. I enjoyed it and it was a beautiful thing, but I need to find ways to maybe pace myself more. This is always my intention... cool, calm and collected. I will do better next year.

So, New Years. New Years resolutions... I am trying to stop drinking alcohol and just treat myself better, in general. Not run myself down and just try to take things a little slowerrrrrr.

So here's the pics I have so far. All blessings.

snapshots

I am learning that life is full of fleeting moments, little bits that I could hold in my palm forever. It is no wonder that they say your life passes before your eyes when you die. I think I know some of the moments I will see. Yesterday, I came home to a Christmas tree standing on my porch. That moment, that half of a second was full of joy and surprise. The moments that followed were like the downward slope of a rollercoaster, I felt sad, confused, worried, scared. It amazed me how I could go from just experiencing pure joy in one moment, to such the opposite the next moments. This has been brought to my attention more and more lately. Life is long but it is made of these very special moments. I wish that those moments could last longer. I wish those moments could stretch into the time of always.

I find out today about this new job. It has brought many feelings with it, only the way that change can. I hand it all over to my higher power, because sometimes, it just feels like TOO MUCH. I have been experiencing a dull/excruciating pain in my right side. It feels like whole body is just aching. in this tight squeeze. I don't know what to do about it.

There is a new moon healing this week, using quartz bowls and sound healing. I think this could be really helpful for me, and I have never gotten to do something like it.

I will keep you posted on the happenings of the holiday season. We have an Elf on The Shelf coming! I am excited for this and hope it will infuse our holidays with a lil sumin sumin, that we could all use right now. I am excited to see his mischievous come out! What will he get into? The candy, the presents?! I can't wait to find out! =)

Love, Feryn