"love what is ahead by loving what has come before." - my yogi tea

hello blog!

I am trying to blog more often these days to get you all caught up after my recent hiatus. Eventually, I would like to try to be here a few days a week, keeping you all updated! It's also a great way to record all of  my memories and a place to come and reflect.

Well, I have yet to share with you, that we are expecting our second baby in April! The new baby is due just weeks before William's 2nd birthday. I am so excited and finally getting the "happy, pregnant, earth mama" glow that I adored having with my first pregnancy. It's the glow that makes me feel most connected with my true self. I have been feeling those wonderful little butterfly flutters in my belly and I know that our baby is safe and sound and hearing all sorts of wonderful little things. And feeling the occasional poke here and there from when their big brother wants to climb all over me! =) Nick and I have really been trying to introduce this whole "baby" concept to William and a part of me thinks that he gets it, but maybe is ignoring it for now! I know he will be an awesome big brother and super sweet with his baby brother or sister. We find out in only a few short days what we are having and it will be a big surprise either way! I can't wait to share another special moment like that with Nick, and now William.

Some more big things are happening here and we are getting ready to move. We will still be in our little island paradise, but moving to a new home and a new part of town. I am excited and nervous, but mostly just anxious to get this whole moving thing over with! I will really miss our home now and will always have happy memories here and think of it as our first home together, where we really came together as a family. We are moving to more of a "fixer-upper" with much work to be done, but it will be ours and we will be together, and that is all that really matters to me. Our new home will be filled with new memories and joy and laughter. I am looking forward to having a place to call our own!

Well, that's all for now! Just really wanted to catch you up on the happenings. Next, is Thanksgiving, moving, and then we get to see our Mimi and celebrate Nick's birthday! Love to all.

home is where the heart is

baby, its cold outside!

Hello,

We are having some really gorgeous weather down here the past few days! Yesterday and today have both been in the 60's, so we have had the doors open and been loving our "all natural air conditioning". It feels so nice being able to have the doors open. Today is sunny and lovely. My friend (and William's godmother), Natalie, is arriving from New York today for 2 weeks. I am excited to be able to spend some time with her. She is my oldest friend and we have been through a lot together. So, hoping for some good quality girl and baby time with her, Jessica and baby Easton. It is much needed! Everything is going well around here. I started a new daily meditations book called The Woman's Book of Courage. It offers really insightful meditations and right now, I am working on healing my inner child. I didn't quite realize how much healing needed to be done until I checked in with my eight year old self. Some good things are happening and I feel more peace of mind then I have in a while. I still feel very anxious over some things, mostly with William and being a mom. I am constantly hoping I am doing enough. A part of me (a much wiser part), knows that I am. I am just constantly hoping that he grows up to be a happy, healthy young man. He seems very happy and really loves his family. His family really loves him too, so that is important. I feel that we are all doing a good job of creating a loving and nurturing foundation for our special little boy. He is always greeted with smiles and love and always the center of attention. I hope his family is as important to him as mine has always been to me.

Speaking of family, I feel that there is much healing happening in this area of my life as well. There have been some rough seas with my family in the past couple of years, for many reasons. I feel that we are entering into a new chapter and can only hope for calm waters ahead. My family is so dear to me and their love and support mean a lot. It has always been  my dream to have a family that is close and happy to be together.

Well, thats all for now. Lots of love and warm wishes!

oldie but a goodie

mouth full of hot "choc-y"

carefully cheers'ing our hot chocolate

Good morning

Hello and good morning.

This day has started out good! My dad took William for a bike ride on his electric bike, so I have time to sit and relax. However, I am missing my coffee since we were out of milk. Hmmm, have to figure out a way to fix that. I hope today is a relaxing day since yesterday seemed rather un-relaxing. I want to play outside and enjoy this gorgeous weather we are having. I have had a lot on my mind recently, mostly concerning money and how I can make some. My ideas have really been narrowed down to three... 1)photography 2)making clothes 3)baking. I tried to channel my inner child and those were my favorite things growing up! And of course, playing house with my baby dolls. I definitely don't have to pretend that anymore! I have my real life baby doll and my real life prince charming, so we are good to go on that! =) I am trying not to stress too much on what I will do to earn money, but it is like this mystery to me that is just waiting to be solved! I think one day, whatever I do will turn more into spiritual work, whether that is yoga or massage. I can totally see myself being a yogi-masseuse and requiring trips to Bali for "research". =) Yup. Right up my alley. I don't know that I will ever be a 9-5 office girl. It just does not suit my need to get up and go. I would rather create. We will see! I still ask myself what I want to be when I grow up! There is so much out there. I really like the idea of designing and sewing, but I have no idea how to sew! I do, however, have a sewing machine that was given to me by my old neighbor in Coconut Grove. It just got fixed and I would love to learn how to use it. I feel that whatever I am supposed to (that is whatever makes my heart happy), will come easily and effortlessly. Hmmm, maybe in that case I am just supposed to hang out at the beach! Well, hope everyone has a nice day.

North Carolina 2014

p.s. I recently learned that my name means to get up and go! 

it also means adventurous & the land

and baker =)

So who knows. All apply =)

It's been a hard day's night.

Why if it's not one thing, it's another? I have decided to make this blog a place to vent. So, it may not always be pretty and positive, but it will be real and it will be mine. I feel like I have been to war in the past couple of months. I have been literally fighting a battle that culminated last week with physical illness. I was so sick, I couldn't keep anything in my stomach and felt drained and exhausted for about 4 days after. Life is so exhausting lately. I try to stay positive and to push on through to the light at the end of the tunnel. I see it. I know it's there.

The past 19 months have been the most trying of my life, the happiest but the most trying. The week William was born, a friend did a reading on both Nick and I. My reading revealed to trust myself and my instincts. I didn't realize at the time how often I would have to refer back to this advice. Over and over, "trust yourself, Feryn. Be still and trust yourself." I have had to come back to these words every time someone told me to stop breastfeeding when I didn't think my son was ready, every time someone told me I should put my son in day care and go back to work. People have A LOT of advice when it comes to raising children. I had heard this before giving birth but had NO IDEA! It has been very difficult to accomplish these two hugely important factors in raising my child, to let him self-wean and to stay at home with him but I have felt so strongly on both. I have to give myself credit for my newfound ability to smile and nod. Truthfully, it has not been easy but there is something in me like a shield that keeps blocking the bullshit, the stuff that does not matter. We have financial problems? We will get through it. William accidentally bit me and my nipple is killing me? Nurse through the pain.

I know one day, I will be able to better contribute to my family financially and one day, we will not have to pinch pennies to eat every month, but I will never get the time back with  my son. And you see, time is more important than money. We have been very fortunate to have help from family. Without which, I don't know what we would have done. I feel that I am doing the right thing by staying home with William and getting to teach him little things that I would not be able to if we were rushing him off to day care in the mornings. We have had truly precious moments as a family during this time, trying but precious and all have brought us closer together. I truly believe there is a bigger picture, one that we may not understand yet, but one where all of it is worth it.

I love you.

Boat hair//don't care

hello, hello.

Been thinkin about ya all week banpan! I really want to start blogging again. I have been pretty consistent on here for the past two years, writing on and off. But I find that I have so much to say and memories that I want to record. I have such a problem with my writing and sharing it with the world. I always grew up journaling, taking photos, and scrapbooking and blogging is a really great combination of all those things. I just find myself hitting a wall so often when it comes to sharing my feelings with the world. Fearing negative feedback or something or other. Kind of silly, I know since most of the people who probably read this are friends and family. I suppose I am also a fairly private person and so, sharing all of this with others is a little... un-private. I guess I just hope that my words and experiences can reach someone who they may help or someone is inspired by something they find on here! I don't know =) Maybe I just do it to give my eyes something pretty to see and know that I created! I usually just pretend that I am sitting down, writing a letter to an old friend, filling them in on my life ;)

Soooo.. Hello old friend =)

Things down here are good! Summer finally hit us this week and the afternoons have been very hot! We can only be outside for 20-30 minutes at a time and then have to come in to the ac and cool down! Unless water is involved! We swim, play with the hose, and yesterday we even got to go on the boat! It was such a nice day out at one of our islands, water was clear, sun was out, and temperature was just right. It was so refreshing and relaxing. I find that the boat is my happy place, where I can just totally unwind and relax. I love exploring, the wind in my ears, the beautiful ocean all around me. It's un-real.

So, we went out with my dad for the day and had a great time. William worked on kicking his little legs and took a few little waves to the face, but he handled it really well and I think he enjoyed himself. I hope he finds peace and solitude in his own little special way. Here are some pictures from yesterday. Thanks for being here =)

                                        Love, Feryn

Getting Comfy

Good morning/afternoon!

I am just finishing my iced coffee, so the afternoon can now commence (at 2:00 pm)! Team no sleep over here. We just got a new dog, Chelsea, who likes to hog the bed. Needless to say, between waking up to feed William, and tossing and turning to get comfy, I am getting NO SLEEP! So, I am tired. It's Saturday, and our weekend will start today. The weather is warm, but surprisingly gorgeous for this time of year. July, when it is usually pretty freakin hot down here. I am missing the boat and starting to day dream about the ocean. We have so much going on right now! Wedding, moving, not to mention every day, active life! Now, with two doggies and William, we are VERY busy and don't really stop going until we get in bed at night! This is our first "real" weekend home with Chelsea. I am really looking forward to getting her in the water to see if she swims! I hope she does =) I think she will! Hopefully, we will have a sandbar day! Tonight, I hope to bike ride in old town with Nick and William! We haven't been biking in a while! Anyways, here are some pictures and I hope all is well!

picking flowers with william

my sweet, sweet boy

watching dad play volleyball and listening to music 

my little italian bumble bee 

taken on easter and i love it so 

Birthday blues.

Have you ever noticed how if it's not one thing it's another? Well, I sure have! Goodness, I feel like sometimes I am playing a game of dodge ball. My birthday was quite an interesting one this year and I am still catching up on the events that unfolded. I have to believe that everything is happening for the greater good, but sometimes, man! it's a lot! The actual day of my birthday ended up pretty good, just ended hanging out with my dad at the beach (with a feeling of sort of unease and wondering if there was some where else that I was supposed to be or something else that I was supposed to be doing... hello growing pangs). I even felt this energetically because I was really tired and felt like I was dragging all day. The days after were full of emotions and some more unease, it was so... bleh! Until FINALLY! the birthday I had been waiting for... a dinner at Key West's finest restaurant with my love. (Cue deep breath and glass wine!). We got dressed in our fancy clothes (I even wore heals and felt very 28ish!) and cheers'd to the next chapter... our engagement. I got to look across the table and admire my love in his beautiful baby blue button down, and got to just enjoy the moment. It was very nice and all I could have asked for. I hope that moment is etched into my brain for my 28th birthday memory. It sure was a good one.

In other news, we had our very first official wedding event! Our friend (and photographer), Paul, was able to snap a few photos of us at the beach for our "save the dates". I am still waiting on the photos but I think they are awesome and can't wait to design our invites! It will feel so official.

William is doing great, he is really getting into the phase where he is into everything! He really wants nothing to do with his toys or anything that he is ALLOWED to have. And boy can he throw a mean tantrum! I mean, he literally knocked himself over the other day! It kind of hurts my heart a little, but I have to remind myself that it is just a phase! I probably don't help much when I pick his little crying self off the floor and hug him and soothe him, but hey, that's what moms are for. It's gotta be tough being a little guy in this big world and if I can make that just a little easier, that's what I'm going to do!

Other than that, I have been working with him on getting really comfortable in the water and plan to have him in the pool a lot this summer! It would be great if I could teach him to swim and I definitely have full confidence in us to be able to do this together!

Hope all is well. Much love from beautiful Key West.

all that is right with the world